Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Some Assembly Required.

***New Free Pattern*** Slippers for Laura, sizes from toddler to extra large men's***

That's what it said on the box. Once it was all out on the deck, it looked straight-forward enough. Then I saw the directions. No clarity. No simple, clear images. Just a lot of big circles with the line through them demonstrating incorrect assembly, and some confusing images of hardware bits and pieces. A little definately-man figure does all the work, calling in a definately-woman figure to assist with lifting or providing counter pressure. Otherwise, I assume, she was in the kitchen preparing the food for the first grilling? Or holding the beer? Either way, dead wrong. 'Cause there were no guys here for this project, just a coupla' skirts.
It all started (dream sequence music and wavy lines here) when Mr. W. gave up his week of vacation to work on that stinking house. Girl and I were bothered by this. And also by the fact that we knew he needed a grill as it'd been discussed, and that we knew he'd buy a cheaper grill to save money. The man who says 'you get what you pay for' has trouble spending on himself. We took matters into our own hands. To keep it a "guy thing", we had my father in on the deal, giving counsel about things like porcelain coated cast iron racks, number of burners, and electronic ignition. There were emails back and forth in code, to throw Mr W of the track lest he intercept one. We were between two grills - 'The Big Man' and 'The Other Guy'. We'd settled on The Other Guy, because The Big Man just had too many bells and whistles. Then I got to Home Depot (where I shop not by choice, but by the demands of my pocketbook.). And I saw him. This was not The Big Man. This was not The Other Guy. This was Somebody New. He was right next to The Other Guy, and frankly he made The Other Guy look cheesy and flimsy. He was $150 less than The Other Guy. He has good genes, a name I recognize. He was solid in appearance. Stable, like a guy who would be around for the long haul. I like that in a grill. Or a man. He was also the #2 rated grill in a review I'd seen, and had been a early contender that I'd discarded in favor of shiny stainless. But I fell for him on the spot. Into the truck he went and home I came. Girl was home from work early to assist.
It took about an hour to assemble all told, with only one thing my little hands could not do. We were scrambling to get this done before Mr W came home. We did it, with about fifteen minutes to spare. He says he had no clue but I am not sure I believe him. Well, that is to say he knew we were 'up to' something, but was not sure what. He created the first meal on the new grill, and then got BUSTED!! A GUY reading a MANUAL!!! HA!! Feel free to tell all your friends and family that you have proof that a man can indeed read directions. He says it was a concern about damaging the porcelain coated cast iron racks that drove him to this. A likely story. I think they do it all the time, in secret, so we'll think they just naturally know everything. All in all, I am glad we did what we did. The old grill was bought when I graduated from nursing school, and was held together with prayer and rust. It lasted longer than I'd ever thought, which proves that a little care and caution yields benefit.
Some people were more productive yesterday than others. These guys were super productive - we're at eight a day now, which is almost full production, but we have some more senior ladies who may not be laying daily. And this guy, he was very productive, all behind Napoleaon's back. I think because he's a bantam his advances on the hens are not seen as a threat. Nap will go after the Plush, but not BedHead. I think he kind of smiles on the little guy. The chickens were kind of ga-ga after all the rain, nutty and acting like total idiots, lots of sqwaking and racing around. And me? Well, I bought and assembled a grill, got some knitting done, but not as much as I'd like. Mostly I proofed and wrote patterns when I was not in the truck between here and Home Depot and the garden store for some food plants. There's no pictures of that. But there are some of the Ram's Horn progress in Sisik. I really love this yarn the more I use it. It's so soft and easy. The pattern is straight forward and easy to follow so far, though I have not gotten very far! I need to focus on proofing which I despise, and start working some new ideas up - I have the yarn for them, two pair of socks and a couple of sweaters. I have the ideas. I just lack the time. I totally get why people hire knitters now. Someday, maybe that'll happen. For now it's all me. And I feel time slipping away!
And we're totally going for sleeves on the silk garden jacket. Totally. And yes, I am afraid I may not get it done for February - well, December, because Mr W has said that we might take an early birthday trip to...guess!!!...guess where!!!!


Persnickety Knitter said...

Hmmmmmm, let me think.... could it be.... I don't know, maybe.... Disney World?

Glad you decided to add sleeves on the jacket -- jackets are more useful than vests.

Cute chicken (or is it a rooster?)

Melissa said...

Wow, you are such a good guesser! HOW did you KNOW?? That ethics and values challenging location that for some reason makes me ever so happy...
A chicken is a chicken, a hen is a girl over 1 year and a rooster is a boy over 1 year. Actually, it's a cockerel as it's only about 6 months old. If it were a girl and under 1 it would be a pullet. Instead it is a pullet-chaser.