WHY!?! WHY did I get the big boobs, big hips, round baby belly, abbreviated torso and abbreviated stature?? WHY!?!?! Is it not enough that I was LAST? Is it not enough that I have a huge mole on my non-existent chin? Was it not enough to "bless" me with feet too small for normal grown-up shoes, so that I perpetually hunt discount aisles for kids shoes that look grown up?? Wasn't it sufficient to curve my spine into some insane corkscrew? And what about the odd little baby toe nail that can't be painted? Make me "gluten intolerant" so that the closest I can get to a piece of bread is a little sniff? No. Apparently not enough.
Case in point: Beautiful Berger Du Nord Belle handpainted yarn. Amazing pattern. Lovely appearance of nearly finished garment. So I try it on over my sundress - very excited, waiting to see how adorable I look...and I gasp. I don't look adorable. I look like a frelling cow. Girl looks. She makes a face - not a nice one. I say "I look like a cow, don't I?" She says "It's the dress, Mom. It has to be the dress. Try it without the dress." I take off the dress (no shame here). I stick the sweater back on. She makes the face again. I return to the mirror. I still look like a frelling cow. MOOOOOOOOO!!! In this garment it appears someone has placed a weight on my head and squashed me to about 1/2 of my normal height, but left all the curves in place, so instead of being curvy and soft and womanly they're just..well..MOOOO!!
Anybody with a 38" bust want a sweater?? I need to cry now.
And they ask why I never knit for myself.
God Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.