I haven't talked a lot about "the Lyme thing" in a while, and I think it's time for an update. The metaphor of that blustery snow wasn't lost on me. It's how I feel. I feel like for the last year or more I was wrapped in dark stormy gray, in a swirling fog of people and places and events and moments. I struggled every day to make sense of the simplest things. I hid things, I sneaked, cheated, lied and maneuvered so no one would know how bad it was. There's things I barely remember, things I don't remember at all, and days I remember and wish I could forget. The first time I logged on to LymeNet and saw that the first posts in the forums were suicide hotlines, I cried. Yes, when it's bad, Lyme is that bad. You lose all hope.
But then the sun came for me in the form of Lyme guy and his lovely meds, and now months later I am at times amazed to be alive, and thrilled to be happily so. For a long time my goals were really simple - "make being alive not hurt" was a good one. "Make being alive not scary" was another. I've raised the bar, and I feel safe doing so. "Make being alive feel wonderful again". And it does.
The irony here is that I don't take drugs or visit doctors. I will stand on the street corner on my soapbox and rant loudly about the overuse of antibiotics, the rapid development of antibiotic resistant organisms, the need for the human body to fight things off on it's own thereby developing new immunities. I will wait until hell is about to freeze over before I will darken a doctor's door. But I went, and I took the scripts, and I am glad I did.
Since spring I've taken Biaxin, Plaquenil, Mepron, doxycycline, metronidazole and a whack of supplements and probiotics. And although I had qualms about the first five, I am forever grateful that I was sick enough to say yes to them, and grateful that they were there when I needed them. I know there are people out there suffering with Lyme, wondering if it gets better, wondering if alive can feel good again. Trust me, it can. I promise. I just needed to say that today.
I swatched the other day for a special sock pattern for someone else's book
I also did these for Clover, which will be available at TNNA and hopefully thereafter...I will let you know when they're available and how you can get the pattern.

This catalog came today. I first found Kitchen Krafts catalog when I was dabbling in baking and considering doing that for a living. As I recall I was on a quest for a tiny ice cream scoop and ended up with a $200 order containing all manner of good things from sanding sugars to a decent candy thermometer. Baking for money was a quickly discarded dream. I enjoy baking, but baking in bulk loses it's appeal. Small batches for family and friends feel right
Like canning jar labels. I've debated making my own. But when these are right here, well...do I need to make them?
In my pre-holiday cleaning spree I discovered this - a Baby Surprise set of sorts, EZ's sweater, MMO's out of my head bootees and hat.
Obsessed, I ended up with three hats and four pair of mittens, none alike. One hat is a knit-purl combination, one is cabled. The brown set I think will be Emily's, and the others will go to April.
The holidays are mostly over for us. We'll have a day with my father and my kids, and then someday we'll get together with Kristie and Mike and the kids, maybe before Em's birthday, but it's winding down. The tree is put away, baby Jesus is back in His box, and this year I remembered to take the beads down from the dining room light fixture.
I wish I could say that 2009 was a great year. The truth is 2009 was a conflicted year for me - 2-at-a-Time Socks continued to be great, and I continue to be grateful to you for making it so, I got to be a part of Sock Summit (and was on the antibiotics by then which made that experience so much better than it might have otherwise been) and Clara's Knitter's Review Retreat, and taught at a host of shops. But somewhere in there I fell apart. I pulled it back together, but the falling apart was the scariest thing I've ever been through, and so I can't slap 2009 on the back and thank it for coming around. Heading into 2010, I am reaching out with open and welcoming arms. Toe-Up 2-at-a-Time is coming soon, and I am looking forward to a better year than last. Looking forward. I'm grateful to be here to do just that.